


Beyond the Tombs

by April_Valentine



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Awkward Daryl, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, M/M, Virgin Daryl, gutsy Daryl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 10:59:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4957795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/April_Valentine/pseuds/April_Valentine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After they bring the Woodbury residents to the prison, Rick wants to make sure Daryl is okay. After an emotional catharsis, feelings are revealed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beyond the Tombs

Rick slowly approached the place where Daryl had made his bed, what he called the “perch” at the end of he cell block. He had taken the spot where the guards had overseen the prisoners as his own, not having any interest in sleeping in a cell like most of the others were. The other man had been quiet, quieter than usual, since things had calmed down. Everybody was trying to deal with what had happened; everybody was in pain. 

They had lost friends. The Woodbury residents they had taken in had lost fathers, brothers, sisters. The only ones aside from Tyresse and Sasha who had been left back there had been too old, too young or to weak to fight. The Governor had killed their relatives who had fought on his side, in a moment of indulging his own sick rage. And he had taken Andrea too. She hadn’t always done the right thing, but she had been a part of their group from the beginning. Rick felt her loss now as if she had never left. And Michonne was grieving her too; he’d seen her crying as they brought the Woodbury residents into their midst. 

What he hadn’t seen was Lori. He had looked for her, up on the walk, as the last of the newcomers had gone inside the prison, but she wasn’t there. All Rick saw when he looked up was a blue sky with lofty clouds, clear air and sunshine. Sadness in sunshine hurt more, he’d always thought. But Lori wasn’t there. And he thought that meant she was proud of him for what he’d done, at last.

But he wasn’t thinking about himself at the moment. He was thinking about Daryl. It was easier for Rick to think about others than himself, for one thing. And Daryl, besides being so important to him, had suffered a greater loss than most everyone else had. It wasn’t like the others had loved Merle and were going to miss him, and even the few words they had offered in sympathy had probably not really penetrated to Daryl. 

It was late afternoon. They were all exhausted after what had occurred, after finding cells for the Woodbury people. Carol and Beth were working on a meal and planned to serve it out in the courtyard. The cell block was quiet.

As Rick made his way up the steps towards Daryl’s area, he could see that his friend was there. He was reclining on the pallet he’d made out of some mattresses and blankets. Rick had expected Daryl would be working on bolts for his crossbow or maybe cleaning it or something. But instead, the usually industrious man was just lying there with one arm thrown across his face as if to shield his eyes from the sun shining through the windows. 

But it wasn’t that sunny out. 

Rick stopped two steps from the top. “Daryl?” he called out softly. “You awake?”

Daryl sat up suddenly, looking around as if expecting danger. His hair was sticking up at all angles and his pants and shirt were undone. That was the extent, Rick knew, of Daryl ‘undressing’ for bed. He didn’t have the privacy of a cell like others did, but the man hadn’t really been much for taking his clothes off even before the prison. Then again, they’d all mostly slept with their clothes on in camp in case they woke to danger and had to make a run for it.

Rick hurried up the last two steps to him, one hand out-stretched. “Easy,” he said, sorry to have disturbed him. “It’s all right. Nothing’s wrong.”

Daryl looked at him as if he barely recognized Rick for a moment. Then he shook his head and glanced down at himself, tugging the sides of his shirt together. “Shit. Can’t a man sleep in peace?” He started zipping up his pants and fastening his belt like he needed the armor they provided.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Rick apologized. “You can go back to it if you want to. Stay comfortable.” He hadn’t seen anything and was mildly amused to see Daryl looking embarrassed. 

Daryl shrugged. “Wasn’t really sleepin’,” he admitted. “Just tryin’ to, y’know. Thought if I stretched out, laid here long enough… “ He couldn’t seem to finish, instead sighing deeply. “I keep… you know… “ He waved his hand in a vague gesture at his head.

“Bad dreams?” Rick asked when his friend didn’t elaborate. 

“Not even dreams,” Daryl scoffed. “Can’t shut m’brain off enough.” 

“I get that,” Rick said. 

“Yeah. It’s a bitch, ain’t it?” He drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around them, letting his head drop down, lost in his thoughts.

Rick moved closer and sat down on Daryl’s mattress, hoping he wasn’t going too far. He cleared his throat, took a breath. “Daryl, I… I feel bad about the way I treated Merle,” he said. 

“He was an asshole,” Daryl said without inflection. 

“He was your brother.”

Daryl’s shoulders hunched, his arms tightening around his knees. His hair had fallen over enough that his expression was obscured, but Rick heard his shuddering breath. 

He knew Daryl was capable of tears. He had seen his face streaked with them when Sophia came out of the barn, and when they thought Carol was dead. Odd, that their tough provider, the so-called redneck who pushed away overtures of friendship or small talk had a tender heart inside him, a heart that loved Judith, was patient with Carl, that bled with grief when he lost someone. 

Rick had seen Daryl’s face when he got back after he had found Merle too. He hadn’t had to say a word to explain what had happened. Later, he had pieced the events that led to Merle’s death together for himself. The next thing he’d known, they were voting on what to do, packing up their stuff and leaving the Governor for the tombs and leading them to Woodbury and back.

“We always think we’ll have more time,” Rick said, aware that his own voice was barely steady. He was talking not just about Merle and Daryl’s relationship, but his own with Lori.

“Yeah,” Daryl gasped out and if he hadn’t been sure before, Rick knew now that he was crying. 

“Merle did a good thing,” he said. “He let Michonne go. He tried to take down the Governor. He tried to do the right thing.”

He waited, watching Daryl’s shoulders shake.

“I wish I coulda thanked him. Shaken his hand… something.” He didn’t think he and Merle could ever have been friends but he knew he would have told the man he appreciated what he did if he’d had the chance. And for Daryl’s sake, he wished he had gotten it.

Next to him, Daryl groaned, then the sound cut off as if the other man was trying to suppress his grief.

He was making a mess of this, making Daryl feel worse. 

He started to get up, to leave. “Daryl, I didn’t mean to… shit. I’m sorry.”

A hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. “Don’ go.”

He sat back down. “Okay,” he said feeling a bit out of his depth. “I’m here. And we’re alone. Everybody’s outside.” He knew it would be important for Daryl to know that no one else would see or hear him like this.

A sob broke from the other man, wet and tortured sounding, worse than Rick expected. He wasn’t used to men crying. It was hard enough to deal with when women did it. But this was _Daryl_. Rick’s heart went out to him. He meant so much to Rick and he was so good, so strong. So hurt and broken right now.

“I… I thought there’d be more time, too,” Daryl gasped out. “Spent so long lookin’ for him, thinkin’ he might be dead, wantin’ to believe he wasn’t and we’d find each other… and then… we didn’t have any … time left at all.”

“Yeah,” Rick sighed. That was how things worked, especially in the world as it was now.

“He thought I was weak, wanting to help the group, wanting to be there for you.” He looked up, his expression torn, infinitely sad and hopeless. He roughly rubbed at the tears that had fallen. “When I’s a kid, all I wanted was for Merle to look at me like I was… _somethin’,_ y’know?”

Rick looked at him, seeing how Daryl had never had much support and how one word of praise from his brother would have meant so much to him. 

“He knew,” he said earnestly, his gaze steady on his suffering friend. “I think… you know… maybe that’s why he did what he did. Because he knew how good you were. He wanted to show you he could be good too.”

Daryl’s eyes never left Rick’s face. “Really?” he asked, his voice shockingly small and trusting.

“Yeah. He could have just driven off after he let Michonne out of the car. He could have gone all the way to… Memphis or any place. But instead, he went straight to where he knew he could confront the Governor.”

Daryl nodded, hanging on Rick’s words. Drops clung to his lashes, glinting in the light. Rick would do anything to make them go away, to have made sure Daryl never had to feel that kind of pain.

“I was too late,” Daryl said, sounding ashamed, guilt stricken. “He… he was turned.”

“Daryl…” He didn’t want his friend to have to talk about it, but maybe he needed to.

“I saw him, bent over a body. I thought… hoped… but he looked up at me.”

“It wasn’t him,” Rick started to say.

“I know. He had those piercin’ blue eyes, y’know?” Daryl sighed, almost smiling at the memory. “Made him look intense, even when he was makin’ a joke. But they were gone. His eyes were all glassy. They didn’t see who I was…” Daryl broke off, then with a gasp, began speaking again. “I didn’t want to do it. I tried not to… “ He covered his face, his shoulders shaking. “I just wanted one more chance with him…”

Rick understood. How Daryl, of all people, wouldn’t have wanted to put his brother down. How horrifying it must have been. 

“We’ve all lost people. Some of us have lost the one person that meant the most. We’ve all had complicated relationships with people we loved. We all missed out on saying things we wanted to say to them, or getting to hear them say to us.”

He raised his hand, cautiously let it settle on Daryl’s shoulder. The other man didn’t shrug it off or seem to mind, so he squeezed gently, wishing he could do more. If this were Carol or even Glenn or Hershel, he’d pull the other person into a hug. But this was Daryl, who always went out of his way to seem self-sufficient and… and alone. He didn’t deserve that. Rick’s heart clenched in sympathy. Daryl shouldn’t have to be alone. That was as much an act as the way he pretended he didn’t have feelings. 

Still, he moved slowly as he let his hand move from Daryl’s nearest shoulder, cautiously starting to slide it around Daryl’s back. The other man didn’t protest. He just let his head drop down between his knees again. Rick gradually let his arm go all the way around him.

“You _are_ something,” he said emphatically. “You are important to us. To me. I can’t replace your real brother, but you are part of my family.”

The tension in Daryl’s body seemed to disappear gradually and his breathing evened out. His hands let go of each other, dropped from where they had been clasped around his knees. He sagged, leaning towards Rick. Rick closed his eyes, drawing Daryl to him, letting him lean on him. Tears continued to slip silently down his face.

A long time later, Daryl drew a shaky breath and started to sit up. 

“Shhh,” Rick softly soothed. He turned, arm still around Daryl’s sweaty back, and eased the exhausted man down onto his bed. He drew one of the blankets up over him so he wouldn’t get cold and smoothed the tangled hair back from his forehead. “Get some sleep,” he whispered, knowing Daryl was just at the very edge of dropping off, that he would finally be able to get the rest he needed so badly.

Glad he had been able to help his friend, Rick stayed bent over him for another moment, making sure Daryl was going to be okay, still wanting to reassure him. Needing… something more. 

He leaned closer – and then abruptly stood, turning to climb back down the stairs. 

He had very nearly leaned down and kissed Daryl Dixon on the forehead.

 

 

Rick opened his eyes in total darkness, wondering what had awakened him. He was in his cell and the prison seemed quiet. Yet something…

He sat up, reaching under his pillow for his Colt.

“Rick.” A hoarse voice came out of the darkness, stopping him.

“Daryl?”

A match struck and a small flame bloomed. Daryl moved to the candle sitting on the table by Rick’s bed and lit it. The room was still mostly in darkness, but it was possible to see something now.

“Didn’t mean to wake you,” Daryl said gruffly.

“Seriously?” Rick asked, running a hand over his face to get rid of the cobwebs in his brain. _If you didn’t mean to wake me, what are you doing here?_

“Hmmpf,” Daryl responded, scuffing his foot across the floor. “I was just thinkin’. Couldn’t get back to sleep.”

“You did sort of take a long nap this afternoon,” Rick reminded him, thinking of their talk up on Daryl’s perch. After his friend had openly cried about his brother’s death, he had slept for a solid five hours.

“Wanted to thank ya,” Daryl said, still looking down at the floor. “Sorry, guess wakin’ y’up to do it was stupid.”

“No. It’s fine. I sleep pretty light anyway.”

“Don’ we all,” Daryl agreed. 

Rick nodded. It was strange that Daryl would come wake him up like this. He wasn’t much of a talker, didn’t usually seem to need the company of others. But he was still hurting. And there had been a connection between them earlier, when he had let his guard down with Rick. 

“You want something to drink or anything?” Rick asked, feeling he should be hospitable, as hospitable as you could be with things how they were. He knew he had some water in the cell. Maybe he had some of those crackers they had brought back from Woodbury too. He didn’t really expect Daryl to accept anyway. He probably just wanted to thank Rick and then go back to his own bed.

But Daryl sat down on Rick’s bunk. “Okay,” he said, voice sounding a little more eager than Rick had expected. 

Rick leaned down and grabbed two bottles from the plastic box on the floor, passing one to Daryl and opening the other himself. 

“Thanks.” Daryl titled his head back and took a long, long swallow from the bottle. Rick watched as Daryl’s lips encircled the bottle and his throat worked as he drank. He felt like it was awfully warm in the room, despite the fact that he was only wearing a t-shirt and a pair of boxers.

After drinking half the bottle, Daryl turned back to meet Rick’s gaze. “Sorry. You need your sleep too. I just… damn.” He recapped the bottle and made to get up from the bed. 

Rick grabbed for Daryl’s arm, stopping him. “Daryl? What?”

“You helped me this afternoon,” Daryl said without looking at Rick. “But I was thinkin’. It hasn’t been that long since she died. You haven’t had much chance to deal either.”

He glanced back at Rick then, worry in his gaze. “You haven’t had anybody to talk to. I mean, I know you’re doing better, not… “

“Not losin’ it,” Rick finished for him. “I’m not seein’ her either. Or getting’ phone calls.”

Daryl met his eyes, nodding. “You had me worried.” He glanced away, as if admitting that was something he shouldn’t have done. “There’s… so much pressure on you.” He cleared his throat, took another sip of his water. “I wish… it didn’t have to be like that.”

“You help with the pressure,” he told Daryl. He gulped down a sip of his water. “We lose people all the time. And we have to live with knowin’ we ran out of time, in a world where we should know our time can end five minutes from now.”

The silence stretched out for a moment. Daryl drew a breath as if gathering himself to admit the real reason he was there. Rick waited him out.

“I’m not good at sayin’ stuff,” he finally began, “but considerin’ how we don’t know how long any of us have… “

Rick leaned closer to him, put a hand on his shoulder like he had earlier. “What, Daryl?”

“No, never mind. Your wife just died. All these new people’s here… “ He moved to get up.

“Daryl! Tell me.”

The other man turned, angular face illuminated by candle light, eyes full of anxiety, mouth taut with uncertainty, but when he took in Rick’s face so close to his own, something seemed to come over him, a decision, a strength. 

“I care about you, Rick.” He said it as if it eased a great burden from his shoulders, but Rick wasn’t certain he understood.

“I care about you too, Daryl.” 

“No, I mean… shit.” Daryl bit his lower lip in frustration. “I ain’t never said anything like this to anybody before man, but I can’t keep holdin’ it in. You might never want to look at me again if I say it, but I… just have to.” He dropped his face into his hands, hiding his expression the way he had done earlier.

Rick put his arm around Daryl’s shoulders, leaning close to him. It was clear Daryl was conflicted, maybe even embarrassed by what he was trying to say. Rick thought about how he had almost leaned down to kiss him earlier that day. Not as a father might kiss his child, but as a lover might kiss the man he cared for. 

“Daryl,” he whispered. “It’s okay. If you want to tell me something, tell me like this. You don’t have to look at me when you say it if that’ll make it easier.” He pulled the man a little tighter against him. “Don’t worry. I’ll understand. Anything you want to say is okay.”

The moment stretched out in silence while Daryl gathered himself. Rick felt his shoulders tensing, but not with fear or grief, with resolve. Yet he didn’t look up.

“I… I want you, Rick.”

The words were quick, bitten off, desperate. “Dar—“

“No, listen,” Daryl cut in, as if to get it all out there, his blood soaked cards on the table. “I’m gay. I mean, I think so. I never… never been with a man. But I’ve looked, all my life. And I feel… that way… about you.” 

He finally looked up. “If you wanta hit me and throw me out, you can,” he said in the same gruff tone he used to dare others who challenged him. “Merle always said a real man would bust another guy’s jaw if he let him know he was interested in him like that. Maybe that’s part of why he never let up on me. The shit he said to me…” Daryl shrugged. “He’s gone now. Maybe that’s why I can admit it at last.” 

Rick knew what he said now mattered more than anything he could say in the old world or the new. “I don’t want to hit you. Or throw you out.” He pulled, urging Daryl closer still, leaning toward him, holding his gaze. “Yeah, I was married. But part of the reason we weren’t doin’ that well was… I’m not entirely straight myself.”

Daryl just looked at him in the candlelight, his eyes reflecting his emotions. Confusion slowly became comprehension, anxiety morphed to hope. 

Rick looked at Daryl the way he hadn’t permitted himself before in all the months they’d known each other. It had been there, the attraction he felt, but it was smoldering, unable to catch fire, buried under the fight for survival, unfocused, unadmitted, yet real all the same. If Rick had opened the door he had closed on those feelings he had for men a long time ago, it would have pushed its way into his head long before tonight.

Daryl’s mouth was opening and closing as he tried to work his mind around Rick’s words. He looked younger, sweeter than Rick had ever seen him, needful and heartbreakingly vulnerable.

“Can I kiss you?” Rick breathed, thinking of Daryl’s barriers despite the confession he had managed to choke out. He looked a bit like a deer caught in headlights. He’d told Rick he was gay – possibly the bravest thing this courageous man had ever done – yet now he faced the aftermath of his words. _I never… never been with a man._ “I’d like to kiss you, Daryl.” 

“Don’t expect too much,” Daryl warned him even as Rick leaned toward him.

“Kissing is kissing,” Rick said, hovering scant inches from Daryl’s open lips.

“So you say,” he gulped. 

“I’m outta practice too.” Rick took Daryl’s shoulders in his hands, wanting to steady him.

“Never been in practice.” But Daryl licked his lips, his eyes glued to Rick’s. 

Part of him heard Daryl’s words, but his heart was hammering in his chest, desire trying to explode, and Rick didn’t really think the man meant how they sounded. Daryl was what – thirty-five? He can’t have gone all his life without…something like this happening before. He didn’t welcome touch, Rick knew that. But being coddled or touched without warning wasn’t the same as this. Was it?

‘Practice with me,” Rick whispered, bringing their mouths together at last. Actions spoke louder than words anyway. 

Daryl’s mouth was both soft and hard, lips yielding against Rick’s, teeth just behind them apparent as he pressed hard into Rick without finesse, a groan making its way up his throat. He didn’t seem to know quite what to do, keeping his hands to himself, letting Rick lead the way. He wrapped one arm around Daryl, using his other hand to tilt his head for better access and licked across the line of Daryl’s lips, unsealing them as Daryl gasped as if in surprise. He slid his tongue inside, being gentle, taking this a step at a time, wanting Daryl to be comfortable, to like how Rick did this.

Daryl opened his mouth for him, his tongue first backing up then meeting Rick’s eagerly, shoving into Rick’s mouth like he was starving. Rick let him explore, his lips stretched open under Daryl’s inexpert assault, fingers combing through his fine hair, enduring the clash of teeth and the hungry suction Daryl was treating him to.

Daryl broke free a moment later, gasping for breath. “Rick…” He claimed Rick’s mouth again, this time a little more gently, but with just as much hunger.

“Don’t…forget…to breathe,” Rick reminded him, one word at a time, freeing his mouth as best he could under the onslaught. Daryl didn’t do things half way but Rick knew it would be more fun if nobody passed out from lack of oxygen.

“Who needs t’breathe?” Daryl asked, sucking on Rick’s lower lip, then sliding his tongue into Rick’s mouth again, groaning. 

“Then let’s lay down,” Rick managed to say, tilting their bodies so he could pull Daryl down to the mattress with him. 

That’s when Daryl started shaking. They were lying on their sides, still kissing, and Rick was instantly aware of how hard Daryl was trembling. He couldn’t tell if it was for a good reason or a bad one. He separated their mouths with difficulty.

“Somethin’ wrong?” he asked, pulling back just enough to meet Daryl’s gaze.

Daryl glanced away, biting his lower lip. 

“Are we going too fast?” Rick asked. “We can do whatever you want.”

Daryl shook his head. “I think I’m goin’ too fast.” He looked embarrassed. “Told ya I ain’t done stuff…”

“With men, right? It’s not that different.” Rick ran a hand down Daryl’s back soothingly. “I haven’t done that much with guys either. Don’t worry about that.”

“I didn’t like girls, Rick,” Daryl ground out. “Don’t you get it? I was shy, and bein’ touched usually meant getting’ hit. So I never… I’ve never really… shit.” He grimaced, the admission obviously hard for him. “You said we can do whatever I want? I want everything.” He grabbed Rick’s hand. Drew it down his shaking body, pressing Rick’s palm tight against his straining erection. He gasped when Rick squeezed him through his pants. “See? Told you I’m goin’ too fast.”

Rick kissed him tenderly. “It’s okay. It’s good. I’m hard too.” He pressed himself against Daryl’s hip, showing him.

Daryl didn’t seem reassured. “Wanted it to last.”

“You getting off quick doesn’t mean we have to stop. You know that, right?” He was struck hard by Daryl’s response to him, the idea that Daryl wanted and needed him that badly. Compassion toward the complicated man in his arms welled up in him, his own desire and urgency tempered by the need to ease Daryl’s insecurity.

Daryl didn’t answer, but his cock twitched under Rick’s hand, his legs falling open. 

“I’m gonna unfasten your pants,” Rick whispered, not really asking permission since Daryl had put his hand where it was and obviously wanted the attention. He had made himself so vulnerable to Rick that he couldn’t be abrupt, couldn’t just touch without warning, despite the need that was making Daryl quake so badly in his arms.

He slipped the buttons of Daryl’s fly undone, reaching in and finding no other impediment, just the hardness there, heated and damp, springing into his hand. Rick didn’t glance down; he kept looking into Daryl’s eyes, but the man’s dick felt made for his grasp, long, wide, impossibly hard -- perfect. He stroked the length, not surprised at all to find it leaking for him. He swirled his thumb, dragging a moan from Daryl, and spread the moisture down the shaft. Daryl’s hips jerked with Rick’s upstroke; he repeated the motion once, twice more and Daryl fell apart, spilling over Rick’s hand in a drenching wave, smothering his cry by pressing his face against Rick’s shoulder. Rick felt triumphant, blessed, drawing out the pleasure for Daryl, stroking him through it, loving every shudder that ran through the other man’s body.

When Daryl calmed and finally looked up to meet Rick’s gaze, his eyes were incandescent, more open and filled with happiness than Rick had ever seen them. 

He leaned down to capture his lips and Daryl’s mouth was pliant, expressive, smiling unabashedly when Rick’s broke the kiss. 

He dried his hand on a corner of the bed sheet, using it to wipe at Daryl’s stomach. There was so much of it, as if it had been a very long time since Daryl had come.

“There,” Rick said. “That took the edge off. Now we have the rest of the night to do whatever we want.” 

“Damn,” was all Daryl could seem to say. He reached up to touch Rick’s face, eyes so hungry on his features, so full of love Rick nearly blushed. As he watched, Daryl swallowed hard and moved his hand slowly down to Rick’s throat, then let it stray further, staying on top of his t-shirt but fingers exploring, his touch a mix of endearing hesitancy and hunger. When his hand arrived at Rick’s waist, he paused. 

“Go on,” Rick encouraged. 

Daryl didn’t attempt to go under Rick’s shorts, but he did bring his hand into contact with the bulge in them. He explored for a moment, fingers at first tentative, then cupping Rick in his palm and squeezing. Rick couldn’t help the groan that escaped as Daryl’s hand tightened on him. 

Daryl looked at him, his eyes seeming dumbfounded. “That because of me? Really?”

“Yes.” Rick kissed him, slow and deep, grinding his erection into Daryl’s hand. He was going to come in his one pair of underwear if they kept this up. “I want to take these off,” he said raggedly, breaking the kiss. 

Daryl let go, nodding his assent.

“You want to take yours off too?” Rick asked, making it a simple question, an invitation not a demand. 

Daryl didn’t answer. He shook his head, then swallowed again, an audible gulp this time. Rick leaned back a little, sliding out of the worn boxers easily. The elastic barely kept them up anyway and he only wore them for sleeping. Dropping them on the floor, he turned back to find Daryl’s appreciative gaze on him, hungry eyes devouring him. He flushed all over at the idea that Daryl liked the way he looked. He lay back, spreading his legs open, displaying himself in the candle’s glow.

“You can touch me. Do it just like you touch yourself,” he whispered. “If you want to.” Daryl’s eyes were begging eloquently for the invitation. 

Biting his lip, Daryl leaned closer, still just looking for a moment, as if considering his options. The scrutiny turned Rick on as much as Daryl’s touch had earlier. Then, suddenly decisive, Daryl took action, licking his palm wet and wrapping it around Rick’s length. The cool moisture combined with the firm grip made Rick buck up into Daryl’s touch. 

His other hand fell onto Rick’s belly, holding him down while Daryl jacked his cock. The strength of his hand had Rick seeing stars but when Daryl leaned closer and without hesitation took Rick into his mouth, those stars began to explode. He sucked him hard, his teeth barely avoiding the tender skin, while his fingers boldly explored Rick’s balls. 

Rick had had some vague idea of holding back, controlling his reactions in deference to Daryl’s stated inexperience, but there was no way he could do it now. The heat and suction of Daryl’s mouth was astonishing. Rick just tried not to hump into it, to fuck Daryl’s mouth hard, the man’s very lack of skill driving him insane. Pulling off, Daryl next tried using his tongue, licking it flat up Rick’s length and finishing with a swirl around the head that left Rick gasping. Then he swallowed Rick down again, not even gagging. In seconds, Rick was coming down his throat, the pleasure blasting him into a thousand pieces. 

Daryl didn’t lift his head until every pulse of Rick’s body was finished, until he had swallowed every drop. He leaned up but then the shyness seemed to overcome him again. He turned away physically, like he wanted to hide.

Rick had to pull himself together despite the lassitude the orgasm had left him with. He managed to grip Daryl’s shoulder. “Daryl?” his voice croaked. He didn’t know what to say, but he knew he had to say something.

Daryl hesitated, then Rick saw his shoulders square before he moved. He turned back toward Rick, but still couldn’t seem to meet his eyes. Rick settled for tugging at his unkempt hair. “That was… amazing, man.” He traced the line of Daryl’s jaw. “I didn’t expect that. You said…” A part of him wanted to ask the man so many questions, but he couldn’t cross that barrier.

“Yeah,” Daryl said gruffly. “Don’t mean I don’t got an imagination.”

“It’s a good one,” Rick told him, smiling. “Come down here and kiss me.”

Daryl almost fell over him, coming into Rick’s arms and kissing him with everything he had, so desperately Rick had to wonder if he had thought Rick might not have liked what he did or that, even now, he might fear rejection. He brought his arms up and around Daryl’s body, trying use his embrace to tell him how much he cared.

They kissed for long moments and when they finally parted, Rick rested his cheek against Daryl’s, combing his fingers through the other man’s hair. 

“I’m glad you told me,” Rick told him. “Glad you came to me tonight.”

“Gonna feel stupid in the mornin’,” Daryl muttered. “Don’t expect me to be able to look you in the eye in daylight.” 

“I don’t want you to feel stupid,” Rick said carefully. “And I don’t expect anything more than you feel ready to give.” He kissed Daryl’s rough cheek. “This was good. I’d like it to keep happening. We’ll do this however you want. You want to keep it just between us, that’s fine. I don’t exactly feel okay with makin’ declarations to people myself. They’ve got enough on their plates. In the daytime, out there, nothing has to change.” He sighed. He wasn’t going to let Daryl retreat if he could help it. “But we need this. We need each other. You said you haven’t had relationships, but trust me on that one.” 

Daryl pulled out of Rick’s arms but didn’t move far, sitting up on the side of the bunk. “Yeah, about that.” He fastened his eyes on the ceiling. “I haven’t. Came close a few times. Merle’d bring women home but they weren’t interested once they got a good look at me and I wasn’t into them. I didn’t think I could ever stand to let anyone touch me anyway.”

“I’m so sorry, Daryl.” Rick sat up next to him, pulling the sheet over his bare groin, then carefully placing his hand on the other man’s bicep. “Those stupid women didn’t know what they were missing. You’re too hard on yourself. You don’t know what you are, how much you deserve every happiness. How much you deserve to be touched in a good way.” He didn’t want to bring up painful memories, but it broke Rick’s heart to think how Daryl had been hurt, how he had seemingly never been given comfort or love. Rick would spend the rest of whatever time he had in this world to make that up to him. 

“It was a long time ago,” Daryl shrugged. “Should be over it by now.” 

That had probably been drilled into him by Merle and probably whoever else had hurt him, Rick thought. “You’ve moved beyond it. You’re stronger than most people, maybe because you had to find that strength inside you despite how you grew up. It didn’t break you, Daryl. You came to me tonight, you let me touch you and you touched me. No matter how bad you think you are, how scarred inside, you are so much more than you think. You have compassion, you care about people, about this group, this family. You never give up. You’re my right hand man, you have my back. I trust you. I love you.” The last part slipped out before Rick could stop himself and he half feared he had gone too far. 

Daryl looked up at him, his eyes wet, clearly touched by Rick’s statement. “Never thought I knew what that meant. Or what it felt like.” He bit his lip, but went on. “But I started thinkin’ about it when I was near you. All I could think to do was what I was already good at, trackin’, huntin’, killin’ walkers. Never really thought you’d accept me. But… you did and that meant a lot.” He closed his eyes. “Most I ever felt for anybody was what I felt for Merle. Guess I loved him. But that’s different.” 

Daryl opened his eyes, capturing Rick in his gaze. “Told ya I wanted you when I came in here tonight. What I was really tryin’ t’say was what you just said. I thought you’d laugh or be grossed out or somethin’. But, Rick, I… do. I love you.”

Stunned, his heart full, Rick hadn’t realized how much he had craved those words. He had thought love would never exist for him in this world again. And that it was Daryl telling him… He wrapped his arms around him, just needing to hold him close. Daryl leaned into the contact. Rick laid a hand over his heart; it was beating so fast.

“It’s okay,” Rick said, his lips close to Daryl’s ear as if confiding a secret. “The hard part’s over.”

Daryl groaned, pulling away from him. “I gotta tell ya,” he said, eyes meeting Rick’s eyes almost defiantly , “I’m not sure if I can… do this right. I’m runnin’ on pure adrenaline right now. Got up the guts to come talk to you and all this felt great but…” He looked away, eyes on the flickering candle. His clenched fist pounded his knee. 

“You did fine,” Rick assured him. “You were wonderful. The way you made me feel…” Rick touched his chin, trying to get him to look at him again, but Daryl was resisting. “There’s so much I want to show you. So much I want to give you.” He realized he might seem like he was pushing. “Whatever you want, Daryl.” The man was an uncharted island. Being with him was like making their way in the terrifying new world they in habited. But in this world, Rick knew, you didn’t just sit and wait for the walkers to take you. You had to fight for your life. “You can set the pace. I just want you to feel good. I won’t push you. I don’t want to crowd you. But it can be so good. We can have everything.”

Daryl managed to glance at him from under his mussed hair. He looked embarrassed, terrified. “I do want everything, like I said, but you should know I might… I might fuck it up, Rick. I won’t mean to but…”

“Don’t say that,” Rick urged. He shifted so their shoulders and thighs were touching. Daryl was shaking again, about to pull away, looking ashamed of himself.

He put his hands on Daryl’s broad shoulders, trying to keep his touch gentle but needing the man to hear him. He physically turned Daryl’s body toward him, leaned down to capture his gaze.

“Daryl? Listen to me now. You _can’t_ fuck this up We might die tomorrow morning. We might have another few days and you might back away from me on account of something you can’t get past. Hell, we might even just have a plain old disagreement. But no matter what, I will still love you and still be happy with whatever we have had together, even if we’re apart when we die. I won’t regret a thing.” He drew Daryl closer, holding him with all the tenderness he possessed, heartened when Daryl responded, his arms encircling Rick loosely. “Just tell me if something feels wrong or why you can’t do something. I won’t laugh at you or judge you. I won’t ever think less of you. Shit, you know I make mistakes too. I can be a real jerk. I’ve never won any awards for my skills at bein’ in a relationship.”

Rick hadn’t realized how lonely he had felt himself until Daryl came to him tonight. He didn’t think the other man knew how much his courage had given Rick already.

“I’m scared I’ll fuck this up too. But I want the chance to try.”

He felt Daryl’s fingers weave through the curls at the back of his head. He was looking so deep into Rick’s eyes, reading everything he felt, everything he wanted to say. But they had always been best at communicating without words. 

The moment stretched out. Rick watched Daryl’s face as he worked things through. Trepidation, hope, the need to believe, they were all there, ending finally with complete and utter resolve. And the smallest of smiles, his eyes shining as he gazed at Rick.

“Kiss me, Grimes,” Daryl said, tugging at his hair to pull him down. 

Rick went willingly.


End file.
